I don’t know much about the Fire Emblem series, but that hasn’t stopped me from enjoying a Twitter thread that has recently gone viral. Created by Twitter user eiouna, the thread is all about their mom and what she thinks of all the men featured in the most recent Fire Emblem game, Three Houses. The thread is a wonderful journey.
As with many of the best Twitter threads, it starts out with a simple but interesting setup. Eiouna is going to ask their mother to rate the men in the game based solely on their looks.
The mother’s opinions on the various characters are hilarious and possibly accurate? I have no idea, I don’t know these characters. But they just feel right, you know?
The whole thread is great and worth reading, especially if you know who all these characters are and what they are really like. Let me and other non-FE players know in the comments below if this mother’s ratings are accurate. I’m very curious to know!
I’m here to talk about something odd I discovered in the recently released Ghost Recon Breakpoint. For some reason, players have access to not one, not two, not four, but five different tattoos featuring a Bald eagle and American imagery.
The new Ghost Recon game launched earlier this week. I jumped into the game and messed around with it for a few hours. It seems fine. If you want more in-depth impressions, read Heather’s great write-up of the game. But I’m here instead to rank each of these eagle tattoos.
I will ask two important questions about each eagle design, which will determine their rating and ranking: How big is the eagle? And how cool looking is the eagle?
Simple enough. So let’s get to ranking!
5 – Soaring Eagle
Size: 3/5 | Coolness: 3/5
At the bottom of the list is The Soaring Eagle. It’s hard to even tell that it is, in fact, a Bald eagle. I mean, that could be a vulture from far away. The pose is also not very exciting. In a game filled with eagle tattoos, this is the runt. The one nobody wants or buys.
4 – The American Eagle
Size: 5/5 | Coolness: 2/5
If this was a list where I ranked each tattoo according to their name, this would be at the bottom of the pile. That isn’t a clever name or anything. It just is what it is. However, the size is very good. That is a large eagle and it is clearly a Bald eagle. But that pose is terrible. It looks like the eagle just heard a joke and is way overselling how funny the joke is because his boss said it.
3 – The Bold Eagle
Size: 5/5 | Coolness: 3/5
That is a big and, dare I say, bold, eagle. A great name for a fairly good eagle tattoo. The pose isn’t very interesting, but at least it doesn’t look too weird. He is staring a bit too intently for my liking, though. If I was in a squad with this dude and he had this tattoo I would ask him to wear long-sleeve shirts, so I wouldn’t constantly feel intimated by that bird.
2 – The Freedom Eagle
Size: 4/5 | Coolness: 5/5
This may not be the biggest eagle, but that’s okay. It’s big enough and has a really exciting pose. Look at it! It is diving and attacking something. Maybe a snake? Hopefully a snake. Those things will sneak into your house.
1 – Swooping Eagle
Size: 5/5 | Coolness: 4/5
This is the biggest eagle on the list. Honestly, it might be one of the biggest eagle tattoos featured in a video game. I haven’t done enough research on that, so I could be wrong. But I feel confident in saying that there can’t be much bigger than this swooping eagle.
This ended up tying with the Freedom Eagle, both receiving 9 eagle points out of a possible 10. So I decided to use the number of stars as the tiebreaker. This was no contest. Swooping Eagle has six stars and the poor Freedom Eagle has none. What a shame.
If after seeing these eagle tattoos you feel inclined to buy some, you can buy a pack of them for 600 Ghost Coins, which translates into $5 in the real world. You don’t get all of them, only three of the five. But they are bigger eagles of the collection, including my number one ranked Swooping Eagle.
Are these tattoos worth $5? I don’t think so, but I’m more into pelicans anyways, so what do I know? I hope the next Ghost Recon game has a bunch of pelican tattoos.
Grand Theft Auto Online’s newest car was added this week and it is the most expensive standard supercar in the game. (Technically the Scramjet and Vigilante are more expensive, but those are weird special vehicles.) According to some players, the Kriger, which costs $2.875 million is fast and fun to drive. But is it really worth that much money? Maybe. However, here are some other things you could buy instead in GTA Online with that much cash.
Having multiple electric cars is probably useful in some parts of the world where charging stations aren’t as common. Just have a few of them parked around your area and when you start running low on juice, just head over to your closest stashed and charged Voltic.
Look, you might wonder why you need 958 crappy trucks and I have a great reason. You could start doing monster truck shows at your local home or park. Sure some folks wouldn’t like that, but whatever. You got nearly 1000 trucks to crush.
One giant laser cannon is useful and worth having. But five of them is even better. Have bodyguards that follow you around? Give them each one of these and watch people leave you alone, forever. Have a few kids? What’s a better gift than a giant laser cannon? At least it’s better than a dozen broken bottles.
Become a beloved member of the community by sharing these with folks who need a place to live until they get a new job. Or a more selfish way to use these apartments is live at one for a few weeks and once it gets dirty, just head to the next place.
It is WILD that in the world of GTA Online you can buy not one, but two secret military bunkers, complete with staff and lots of storage, for less than one nice supercar. GTA Online’s economy is screwed up.
Buy like half as many, rent out a small shop and start selling these for $9. And look at that, you are making money. In fact, pretty soon you will be rich and famous enough to appear on that Shark Tank show. The last episode I saw had some dude on who wanted to pitch a business involving 9,000 broken bottles. They all passed.
The Tony Hawk skateboarding games changed a lot from the start of the series in 1999, through multiple sequels and spin-off, before its mediocre end with 2015’s Tony Hawk Pro Skater 5. Some games were open world, some were more grounded in reality, others were more over the top and some included crappy plastic board controllers you had to stand on top of in order to play. But while many things changed in the franchise over the years, there was one thing that always could be counted on, guest skaters.
Some of them were cool, some were really dumb and some make you wonder how the hell they even appeared in a skateboarding game.
First seen in Star Wars: Episode I, Darth Maul is an evil and powerful Sith warrior who was once the apprentice of Sheev Palpatine, better known as the Emperor. After killing Qui-Gon Jin, Maul was cut in half by Obi-Wan Kenobi and then came back, because The Clone Wars TV show needed a cool villain.
It seems, though, before he went and got cut in half, Darth Maul grabbed a hoverboard and hit some ramps and rails. Darth Maul’s force abilities seem like a great fit for skateboarding. However, he also decided to bring his dual-bladed lightsaber with him, which seems like less of a great fit for skating. Also, when you select him at the character select screen, the shop owner in the back of the store gets force choked. Quit being a dick, Darth Maul.
Spider-Man is unlockable in THPS2 once players have beaten 100% of the game using a custom created skater. Or he is unlockable if you just use cheat codes, which is what I did as a kid. The character model featured in the game is straight out of the PS1 Spider-Man game, which was also made by THPS2 developer Neversoft.
Spider-Man’s powers seem perfect for skateboarding. Enhanced agility, speed, and reflexes make him a formidable skating master. Plus, being able to shoot webbing at stuff sound useful too. Fall off your board, web-zip it over to you. Need something to drink, web-zip it over to you. Rival skater trying to beat your score, web-zip their board away from under their feet. Also, when you unlock Spider-Man in the game you unlock a video of a real-life skater wearing a Spider-Man costume and rolling around a skatepark. Which is..interesting.
Judy Nails is one the more popular and well-known original guitarists from the Guitar Hero franchise. She is hard rock and punk rocker and probably could kick the ass of most of the other guest skaters on this list. This model is directly inspired by her appearance in Guitar Hero III, which was developed by Neversoft, who also developed most of the THPS games.
I assume Judy Nails has a trick involving a guitar. I say assume because I can’t actually find much info about her Proving Ground appearance online. I found one short video of someone playing as her, but the video is mostly just the person zooming in on her face and body. Which is not what I was looking for, creepy YouTuber.
Gene Simmons is not a great person. He is an asshole and sleazebag who these days seems more like a grumpy old dude wearing cosplay than an actual rockstar. And for someone reason, he was included in Tony Hawk’s Underground. Not only is he featured in the game as a playable skater, but his whole band and a KISS concert appear in the game too.
I don’t hate KISS music, but as a younger boy, I remember not caring about finding KISS in my skateboarding game. The fact that they have an entire level dedicated to them is also odd. You even collect the letters KISS around the map, which unlocks a music video. I do like that the KISS concert level is basically empty, with like 4 random people shuffling around.
Honestly, including either Jango or his slightly cooler son Boba Fett in a Tony Hawk game isn’t as cool as some might think. I know folks might disagree with me on this, but I’ve never gotten the obsession with these characters. They both die after not doing much in the movies. I get their suits are cool, but they aren’t that awesome.
Including Jango is also funny to me. Nowadays this would be Bobba, but back in the early 2000s, as the prequels were being released, the Star Wars fandom was given Jango Fett toys, ships, and games. There was a time period where Lucasfilm was trying to make Jango a “Thing.” It didn’t work after folks saw the film and watched him get his head cut off in like a 20-second fight. Plus who wanted to skate as “Boba Fett’s clone dad.” He doesn’t even have a hoverboard, like Darth Maul.
Do you remember the game, True Crime: Streets Of L.A.? Probably not. Which means you probably don’t remember the main character from that game, undercover cop Nick. But because True Crime was published by THPS publisher Activision and Underground 2 included basically 100 unlockable characters, Nick was thrown into the game.
The actual details on Nick are a bit hard to nail down. Some folks believe he isn’t actually unlockable in the game, instead needing mods or cheats to access him. Others claim to have unlocked him. And some even claim he is only playable if you have save data from True Crime on your PS2 memory card. As it turns out, the Tony Hawk community isn’t that concerned with figuring out all the details about Nick. And honestly, can you blame them?
I’m not sure how much the Doomslayer’s abilities would help him in skateboarding. Sure he can hold a dozen weapons, survive massive falls, kill thousands of demons and beat people to death with his fists. However, none of that seems like it would translate into sick skateboarding skills. But also, if anyone makes fun of him or does better, he can just run over, rip their head off and look around the skatepark, sending a message. After that, he ends up winning most matches of HORSE.
According to the Doom Guy’s stats, he is really fast and nimble, but he can’t jump. Which is accurate to the older versions of Mr.Doom Guy. Back in the day, he could rip and tear for hours, but jumping was impossible. Which seems like it would make skateboarding hard, but again, use of violence makes it difficult for him to lose. Even if he just does flat ground tricks during a vert comp.
I like to think this bizarre character was created by a designer at Neversoft who was looking down at their hands and suddenly realized the next great guest character was right there. The Hand is, well, a giant hand. According to the Tony Hawk Games wiki, The Giant Hand is a large severed hand “that is somehow capable of skateboarding.” Even the most dedicated fans don’t know how this thing works.
Most likely The Hand is a reference to those mini-sized toy skateboards, like Tech Decks, which were very popular around the time THUG 2 was released. And it is funny to watch a giant hand pull off tricks on a skateboard. But it also hard to watch this thing move around and not feel uncomfortable, especially as you keep noticing the blood and bone sticking out. What was this attached to and will it seek revenge for us stealing its hand? No amount of skateboarding is worth angering a giant.
I don’t know much about surfing, but I don’t think being a good surfer makes you a good skateboard automatically. Maybe I’m wrong about that. Maybe surfing the waves does, in fact, make you a great skater. I do, however, feel very confident in assuming that a surfboard is not a great replacement for a skateboard. No matter how much you wax it. Yet, Kelly Slater doesn’t care about logic or reason. He was asked to join Tony and his friends and decided to just bring his actual surfboard.
Kelly Slater appeared in his own game, Kelly Slater’s Pro Surfer, which was one of the many Tony Hawk-like games Activision was publishing around this time. So most likely he appears in THPS3 as promotion for that game. The only thing I remember from my time playing KSPS was that for some reason you could play as Travis Pastrana in it and he wore his entire motocross outfit, complete with helmet. Consider that a bonus guest character on this list.
From: Various Shrek Films, games, TV Shorts and memes
I know this is breaking the format a bit, but I also know that if I don’t include Shrek on this list there will be at least 500 comments telling me about Shrek. Stuff like “Did you know Shrek is also in THUG2?” or “Some fan! Didn’t know about Shrek in THUG2!” So here we go. Let’s talk about Shrek in Tony Hawk’s Underground 2.
He is included in this game as a promotion for the then-upcoming film Shrek 2. Activision was publishing Shrek games at this point and they also published the Tony Hawk games, so it seemed like a perfect fit to someone. It should be remembered that Shrek’s inclusion in this game pre-dates the more recent internet obsession with the character. So back then, when a younger me played this game and found Shrek, I was confused. I’m still confused today, but now I can also ironically laugh at it. Also, he uses ear wax while grinding. Fun.
This is not a complete list. There are so many other guest characters in these games that if I was to cover them all this list would become one of the biggest things I’ve ever written. But maybe I’ll revisit Tony Hawk guest characters in another post one day. For now, let me know who was your favorite guest character in the Tony Hawk games.
Apex Legends is a game where players choose from a selection of different heroes. Each of these characters has different abilities and outfits. While you can choose a different hero each match, many players choose to main one or two characters. So what does your preferred legend say about you as a person? Let’s find out.
So Your Favorite Character Is Lifeline…
You are a good person. I don’t know anything about you beyond the fact you read Kotaku. However, if you choose Lifeline in most matches I can confidently say you are a great human being. You like to help folks. You see someone struggling or in need and you jump into action.
You’re the person who wants to always help when something bad happens. Oh no! A man has fallen down the stairs! Don’t worry, you are there and you are totally going to help. Or at least not laugh at the dude. Which is good of you too.
So Your Favorite Character Is Bloodhound…
Mysterious and quiet is your whole thing. You don’t like to be the center of attention. No, instead you prefer to watch from afar. You are the type of player who never wears a headset. Pinging is what you prefer and you ping everything, especially if it relates to enemies.
You also love to observe situations. You are the person who your friends rely on when someone eats someone else’s lunch at work. You look for clues, dig around the trash and eventually give up because you couldn’t find anything. But you tried and that matters.
So Your Favorite Character Is Pathfinder…
You love to have fun! Life is a blast when you think about it. I mean, you have this awesome grapple hook, why wouldn’t you be happy. While your teammates are climbing ladders and mantling up cliffs, you just zip up there and start pinging stuff they might want.
But you don’t want to hog all the fun, you love to share some fun with your squad. Pop down a zip line and watch as your teammates fly down it towards your next loot location. You are the person who will willingly share the last slice of pizza or let a friend get another turn in GTA 3 after their last rampage ended quickly.
So Your Favorite Character Is Caustic…
Sometimes people suck. Sometimes you just wish you could be alone and never deal with another idiot. Like Caustic, you really wish you could place some poison traps while you are at work so that annoying dude doesn’t come by your area AGAIN. You don’t care about Game of Thrones, but does he care? Nope.
You also really like planning. Setting up a nice trap is what you love. You love waiting for teammates to lure some idiots into a room and then you run in and place some traps and cackle as you run back out. You could shoot them, but you rather let them suffer. You might be a bit messed up.
So Your Favorite Character Is Mirage…
You are quite the trickster. When others roll their eyes at a lame April Fool’s Day prank, you laugh. In fact, you’ve pulled off some great pranks before. Bamboozling is something you just love to do and you won’t apologize for it.
You are a smooth operator too. You love to flirt and you don’t care who knows it. Maybe you flirt too much? Nah. You flirt just the right amount, thank you very much. You also REALLY dig holograms, but most folks do.
So Your Favorite Character Is Bangalore…
Winning and killing are what you crave. You aren’t here to dig around every locker and box while searching for a perfect attachment. You are here to kill as many folks as you can. Give you a gun and you are ready to go.
You go to a party and win every hand of poker or at least most of them. Some might call you over aggressive or reckless, but this is a game about shooting people and winning, right? This is how Apex Legends is played. You ping when you can, but you know what’s better than ping: A kill. And you want more kills.
So Your Favorite Character Is Gibraltar…
Look, winning isn’t everything. It is nice, but you are here to have fun and meet some new friends. “Come over here folks,” you say. “And hide in my bubble shield.”
You know all the debate about hitboxes and how your main character is at a disadvantage in some ways compared to smaller ones. But whatever, you’re here to have fun and help some folks out. You get along well with Lifelines.
So Your Favorite Character Is Wraith…
You gotta get moving. You always want to move. Never stop moving. Gotta go fast. You speed to loot and use teleporting to get ahead even faster. You help when you can, but if someone is moving too slow you leave them behind.
Other folks might hate you, but you don’t care. Folks might call you overpowered or annoying, but they just need to get better. They’re just jealous of you.
The Resident Evil series is filled with zombies and monsters, but it also contains some awful and amazing haircuts. Some of these haircuts are styles I would try or wish I could try. Other hairstyles featured in the series are terrible or bad ideas for folks who need to shoot and move around a lot.
The Best Cuts
Leon Kennedy (Resident Evil 4)
Let’s just get this one out of the way. If you’ve played Resident Evil games, you probably knew Leon’s lovely hair was going to appear on this list. I can’t deny that I’ve thought about buying that jacket and growing my hair out like this. Though I don’t think I’ll ever look this good.
Over the years Leon has modified his haircut a bit, sometimes it’s longer or sometimes the color is different. Yet through all the changes it always look great, though I prefer his RE4 hair over all his other styles.
Jessica Sherawat (Resident Evil Revelations)
Jessica always looks fashionable and memorable. Her outfits and hairstyles are some of the most stylish the series has ever seen. Not all of her outfits make practical sense, like this one leg dive suit, but her hair is perfect. Fashionable for sure and yet, not something that will get in the way while fighting zombies. Not all RE characters understand this concept as we will see later.
Jessica is the only character in this list that appears in both the bad and good sections! She has multiple looks in the game and while these two pictured above are great, her other haircut isn’t very good.
Excella Gionne (Resident Evil 5)
There aren’t enough folks rocking bee hive hair in video games. Sure, Excella is a villain who is doing terrible things and working with the evil company Tricell, but look at that hair. It’s so tall. I imagine a bee hive haircut is really hard to manage and you need a lot of hair. So sadly, I don’t think I could rock this cut.
Excella’s hair is actually hard to fully capture in a single image. It often gets cut off by the camera. Also, don’t type in “Excella RE5″ into Google without safe search on. That tip basically applies to all the women characters in Resident Evil. Unless you want to see a Licker sticking its tongue into multiple places a monster shouldn’t stick a tongue. You do you.
Albert Wesker (Resident Evil 1 Remake)
Sometimes simple is best and Wesker is a perfect example. He doesn’t care about fashion or hair trends, he is too busy being evil. He just wakes up and slathers his hair in two cans of gel, slicks it back and grabs some shades. Maybe not the most inventive or fancy look on this list, though I respect how great he looks. Doing something simple, but doing it perfectly is impressive.
While Wesker and his slicked back hair has appeared in numerous games, I always prefer the RE1 Remake take on this hairdo. There is a lot of volume in in this version of the classic look.
The Worst Cuts
Rachel Foley (Resident Evil Revelations)
I’m all for hair styles where some hair is draped over the eyes, but there is a time and place for this kind of look. Hanging around a party – sure this is fine. Fighting zombies and other nasty creatures – maybe don’t do this? Rachel eventually becomes a monster herself and her hair grows into a part of her body and ends up covering more of her face.
Rachel is great example of how a great hairdo can go bad. If even one of her eyes was left exposed, I probably would have moved this to the “Best Cuts” section. Sometimes a hair cut is too dumb to be good.
Jessica Sheraway (Resident Evil Revelations)
Remember those stylish looks from earlier up on the list, well this is before those fashionable styles. This is back when Jess worked as an agent for the FCB during the Terragrigia incident. What was that? A utopia ocean city was infested with monsters and blown up using a super sun laser. You know, just your an average day in Resident Evil.
I fully appreciate that some folks love this look. I found a ton of great cosplay showcasing this outfit and hairdo. So just remember that this list is solely my opinion and honestly if you disagree, you probably have more fashion sense than me.
Morpheus D. Duvall (Resident Evil: Dead Aim)
Look at this Sephiroth cosplayer. I don’t have anything against folks who cosplay. But Resident Evil villains shouldn’t look like they fell out of a Final Fantasy game. Also, I love his name. Morpheus D. Duvall is so weird and yet mundane. “Hello, I’m Mr. Duvall. I’m here to destroy the world.”
His mutated form goes in a different direction. It looks like an outfit from a Marilyn Manson video from the late 90s or early 2000s. It is scarier than his basic human form and the hair gets worse. Fleshy appendages are not an ideal replacement for hair.
Raymond Vester (Resident Evil: Revelations)
Look at that hair. The color, the shape, the amount of it. Everything combines to create a haircut so bad that I almost wanted to call it good. Sadly, I can’t in good conscience call this hairdo great. How much time do you think Raymond spends working on this every morning?
I didn’t realize how many characters on this list were out of Revelations. I’m not sure why that game had such a high concentration of bad and good hair cuts. Maybe the smaller scale of the game and being more of a spin-off allowed them more freedom. It seems giving RE developers more freedom equals more amazing hairdos. I suggest to Capcom they quickly green light a Revelations 3. The world needs more outrageous hairdos like Raymond’s.
This is of course not a complete list of every Resident Evil hairdo. If I forgot one you loved or hated, leave it in the comments. Or maybe just share more photos of Leon’s amazing hair. I wouldn’t mind that.