Tag Archives: ranked

A Mom Rates All The Characters In Fire Emblem: Three Houses Based On Their Looks

I don’t know much about the Fire Emblem series, but that hasn’t stopped me from enjoying a Twitter thread that has recently gone viral. Created by Twitter user eiouna, the thread is all about their mom and what she thinks of all the men featured in the most recent Fire Emblem game, Three Houses. The thread is a wonderful journey.

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As with many of the best Twitter threads, it starts out with a simple but interesting setup. Eiouna is going to ask their mother to rate the men in the game based solely on their looks.

The mother’s opinions on the various characters are hilarious and possibly accurate? I have no idea, I don’t know these characters. But they just feel right, you know?

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But the best part of the thread is when the mother starts to include more personal elements from eiouna’s life.

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We’ve all been there. Your parent is supposed to be talking about something else but somehow finds a way to include some embarrassing moment or conversation from YOUR life into the story.

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But like most moms, she cares greatly about her child. This reminds me of when I talk to my mom and she hears me cough and askes if I’m sick. Every time.

Oh and eventually, once they were done rating all the men, her mom started rating all the women in the game too!

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The whole thread is great and worth reading, especially if you know who all these characters are and what they are really like. Let me and other non-FE players know in the comments below if this mother’s ratings are accurate. I’m very curious to know!

Source: Kotaku.com

Ranking Every Plant In Plants Vs. Zombies: Battle for Neighborville Based On Tastiness

Plants Vs Zombies: Battle For Neighborville is filled with zombies and plants, as the name suggests. They fight each other for control of the world. Plants wanting to protect humans and zombies wanting to eat humans and their brains. Speaking of eating…

I appreciate everything the plants have done for us humans, protecting us from deadly zombies and various zombie built machines. Very thankful. But I’m also a human and I need to eat and many of these plants are edible. So I decided to rank each plant featured in Battle For Neighborville according to how tasty they are and if they are even edible at all.

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I’m not raking the zombies because they aren’t edible. I mean, I wouldn’t eat a zombie. Would you? (I hope not.)

10 – Oak & Acorn

According to some quick research, acorns are not safe to eat raw. However, you can eat them if you prepare them properly. But I’ve never eaten an acorn. Maybe they taste great? There is one guy who is trying to make acorns popular and someone else has created acorn crackers. They don’t look very tasty.

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The real reason Oak & Acorn are at number 10 on this list is because of the big oak tree. Players can switch between either during gameplay. Oak looks cool and is use useful in combat, but I wouldn’t eat him. I doubt bark tastes very good. You could burn him and cook something on the flame, but beyond that, I don’t think the oak tree belongs in cooking.

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9 – Chomper

Chomper is a fast-moving plant that can burrow underground and attack zombies from below like a shark. Chompers seems inspired by a Venus Fly Trap. So can you eat a Venus Fly Trap? Probably. Should you? No. You shouldn’t. For one thing, they are endangered and might go extinct in the future. For another thing, according to someone on Quora, if you eat one it will grow inside you. Is that person just joking? Maybe…but do you want to risk it?

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8 – Snapdragons

Snapdragons are a real plant, though they don’t have dragon heads attached to them like in the game. They also don’t breathe fire. Honestly, it seems like PVZ developers PopCap needs to do more research. As for edibility, Snapdragons are edible flowers. But according to the internet, they aren’t very tasty compared to other edible flowers. But they also won’t poison you, so that’s a point in its favor.

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7 – Rose

I had to ask for some help making this list. As has been documented on this very site, I’m not the healthiest eater in the world. So I consulted my girlfriend and her experience eating stuff like roses! I didn’t know people eat roses, but she has had roses in tea and liked the taste. I like tea, maybe I’ll add some rosebuds to it next time.

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6 – Sunflower

In PVZ:BFN, Sunflowers are healers that provide plants with bits of the sun to help them stay alive during combat. Sunflower seeds are tasty and definitely edible, but I was surprised to learn that sunflowers are completely edible. Not just the seeds. Every part of a sunflower can be eaten and according to the internet, they taste nice as well.

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5 – Cactus

The cactus is one of my favorite plants to play as in PVZ:BFN. They are a fast-moving sniper with a very useful onion drone. (This is a weird game.) But in real life, I didn’t love the taste of cactus. But I didn’t hate it either. Furthermore, cactus seems really healthy and can potentially lower your cholesterol. Thanks, cactus! Not only are you a powerful sniper who protects humans, but when you die and get eaten by those humans, you help them fight cholesterol. What a hero!

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4 – Night Cap

Night Cap might be one of the coolest plants in the new PVZ game. I never expected a mushroom to translate so perfectly into a fast-moving and stealthy ninja, but there you go. Loads of people eat mushrooms and depending on how they are cooked, I can enjoy some mushrooms too. However, I have no idea what kind of mushroom Night Cap is and so they might not be safe to eat. Considering in the game Night Cap can throw mysterious bubbles made out strange spores, I might skip eating it.

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3 – Peashooter

Peas are totally fine. Maybe this is controversial to say, but I don’t think peas are great. I’ll eat them, sure, but I’m not excited about peas. In a soup or part of a big meal, I’ll chow down on some peas. But alone, I’ll probably pass on peas. The Peashooter itself is technically edible, but according to my research would probably be too tough and stringy to enjoy.

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2 – Citron

I grew up in Florida and developed a taste for Oranges back when I was very young. Orange juice is wonderful and one of my favorite drinks to have in the morning. So it should come as no surprise that Citron, a giant orange, makes it so high up on my list of edible PVZ plants. Oranges are super tasty and also can provide extra flavor to different deserts and meals. None of my oranges ever shoot lasers, but maybe I’m just not buying the right oranges.

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1 – Kernel Corn

Corn is good. Not a controversial opinion, I know. But corn is easily my favorite food on this list. It can be popped, creamed, cooked on a cob, frozen, made into bread or puffed. Plus Kernel Corn in the game is a great attacker who I use a lot. And let’s be honest, that name is great and worth some bonus points.

Source: Kotaku.com

Every Bald Eagle Tattoo From Ghost Recon Breakpoint, Ranked

I’m here to talk about something odd I discovered in the recently released Ghost Recon Breakpoint. For some reason, players have access to not one, not two, not four, but five different tattoos featuring a Bald eagle and American imagery.

The new Ghost Recon game launched earlier this week. I jumped into the game and messed around with it for a few hours. It seems fine. If you want more in-depth impressions, read Heather’s great write-up of the game. But I’m here instead to rank each of these eagle tattoos.

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I will ask two important questions about each eagle design, which will determine their rating and ranking: How big is the eagle? And how cool looking is the eagle?

Simple enough. So let’s get to ranking!

5 – Soaring Eagle

Size: 3/5 | Coolness: 3/5

At the bottom of the list is The Soaring Eagle. It’s hard to even tell that it is, in fact, a Bald eagle. I mean, that could be a vulture from far away. The pose is also not very exciting. In a game filled with eagle tattoos, this is the runt. The one nobody wants or buys.

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4 – The American Eagle

Size: 5/5 | Coolness: 2/5

If this was a list where I ranked each tattoo according to their name, this would be at the bottom of the pile. That isn’t a clever name or anything. It just is what it is. However, the size is very good. That is a large eagle and it is clearly a Bald eagle. But that pose is terrible. It looks like the eagle just heard a joke and is way overselling how funny the joke is because his boss said it.

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3 – The Bold Eagle

Size: 5/5 | Coolness: 3/5

That is a big and, dare I say, bold, eagle. A great name for a fairly good eagle tattoo. The pose isn’t very interesting, but at least it doesn’t look too weird. He is staring a bit too intently for my liking, though. If I was in a squad with this dude and he had this tattoo I would ask him to wear long-sleeve shirts, so I wouldn’t constantly feel intimated by that bird.

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2 – The Freedom Eagle

Size: 4/5 | Coolness: 5/5

This may not be the biggest eagle, but that’s okay. It’s big enough and has a really exciting pose. Look at it! It is diving and attacking something. Maybe a snake? Hopefully a snake. Those things will sneak into your house.

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1 – Swooping Eagle

Size: 5/5 | Coolness: 4/5

This is the biggest eagle on the list. Honestly, it might be one of the biggest eagle tattoos featured in a video game. I haven’t done enough research on that, so I could be wrong. But I feel confident in saying that there can’t be much bigger than this swooping eagle.

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This ended up tying with the Freedom Eagle, both receiving 9 eagle points out of a possible 10. So I decided to use the number of stars as the tiebreaker. This was no contest. Swooping Eagle has six stars and the poor Freedom Eagle has none. What a shame.


If after seeing these eagle tattoos you feel inclined to buy some, you can buy a pack of them for 600 Ghost Coins, which translates into $5 in the real world. You don’t get all of them, only three of the five. But they are bigger eagles of the collection, including my number one ranked Swooping Eagle.

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Are these tattoos worth $5? I don’t think so, but I’m more into pelicans anyways, so what do I know? I hope the next Ghost Recon game has a bunch of pelican tattoos.

Source: Kotaku.com

Two Old Men Rank The SNES Games On Switch

After years of wishing and hoping, Nintendo finally added a selection of Super Nintendo games to its Switch online service. Which of the 20 classics should you play first? We had Kotaku’s resident old men, Chris Kohler and Mike Fahey, Statler and Waldorf together a ranked list.

20. Super Soccer

Chris Kohler: I played this for a minute.

Mike Fahey: Same. I played for a minute, got two fouls, felt very American.

Chris: The opposing team got the ball, started running it toward my goal, and I realized all too late that I had no idea what buttons did what.

Fahey: Which is exactly how real soccer works.

19. Super Tennis

Fahey: I do understand tennis. This is definitely tennis.

Chris: Yes. This one I got the ball over the net a couple times.

Fahey: I appreciate the use of Super Nintendo’s Mode 7 graphics to turn the court around once per match.

Chris: That’s a model of restraint.

18. Brawl Brothers

Chris: There are a lot of great side-scrolling beat-em-ups on the SNES. This is not one of them.

Fahey: It reminded me of several good ones, so much so that I had it higher in my list. Then I played it again.

Chris: It’s not much to look at, the controls are stiff… it doesn’t have the personality of a Final Fight. Where’s Final Fight? Oh, it’s on the Capcom Beat-Em-Up Bundle. Where’s Final Fight 2, then?

Fahey: In the hearts of little children everywhere.

17. Super E.D.F. Earth Defense Force

Fahey: Talk about a misleading title.

Chris: Yeah, if you were thinking this was going to be about killing giant ants, I have bad news.

Fahey: That a game could make me feel bad about a lack of spiders is an amazing feat.

Chris: It is a competent side-scrolling shooter. Again, though, not much personality.

Fahey: We’ll get to good games soon, I swear.

16. F-Zero

Chris: We’re there now!

Fahey: This is certainly a game that people love a great deal. I still love its look, if not its feel.

Chris: Yeah, F-Zero never really grabbed me. Not sure why.

Fahey: I liked the Gamecube version much better. Until the virtual console gets Gamecube games, we have this.

15. Joe & Mac 2: Lost in the Tropics

Fahey: Here is a game I did not remember enjoying, but I’m having fun with it now. Maybe I’m growing up?

Chris: Maybe you appreciate the slow-paced leisurely island lifestyle more now that you’re a parent.

While the original was a straightforward port of the arcade game, this is a console exclusive with more adventurey elements. It’s fun although it’s not quite as exciting as the first one.

Fahey: Or dinosaurs. My kids love those dinosaurs. Either I am older and more mature or I am projecting. Either way, mildly better than those other four.

14. Stunt Race FX

Chris: I had never played this back in the day but I’m fascinated with how they pulled off a polygonal racer on the SNES.

Fahey: It was too slow for me back when it came out, and I was too shallow to appreciate the technical achievement. Now I gawk at it in wonder.

Chris: It has charm. The cars have eyes.

Fahey: Proper headlight eyes, none of this Pixar windshield eyes BS.

Chris: 10 FPS means you have time to appreciate each frame as it goes by.

13. Star Fox

Fahey: Is this the one with the furries?

Chris: ‘Tis. And I think again the personality of the characters and the design helps smooth over the fact that as an early polygonal game, it’s pretty choppy.

Fahey: I do love the characters. And I remember being blown away by what the Super FX chip could do. They basically installed an extra GPU inside the game cartridge. That’s amazing.

12. Super Ghouls ‘N Ghosts

Chris: They keep re-releasing this and I keep playing the first minute of it only to realize the only way I’m going to get past the first minute is to make mastering this game a second career.

Fahey: I just choked on a delicious beverage. This is another game that was much higher on my list until I played it. Still love the look and the terrain morphing.

Chris: Yeah, the music, the graphics, the tech is all so beautiful! It is an appealing game. And then everything about it is designed to murder you relentlessly. I’m too old for this.

Fahey: It will always be the fastest I’ve ever gotten naked. Can’t take that away.

11. Pilotwings

Fahey: You’d think there’d be more non-sim games about casually flying. Aren’t we humans always dreaming about this stuff?

Chris: It’s just this side of being a glorified $60 tech demo for the SNES’ sprite rotating and scaling ability, and yet it’s still super fun. You’re right, the “casual flight” genre is not particularly robust.

Fahey: I am surprised we aren’t playing the latest Pilotwings game on our Switches right now. This will have to do.

10. Kirby’s Dream Land 3

Chris: I forgot to play this. This is good, right?

Fahey: As a fan of everything Kirby, it is indeed good. It’s still too early a game for Kirby to transform into different forms based on which powers he’s using, but the mechanics are all present and accounted for.

Chris: OK. I assumed.

Fahey: KIRBY FOR LIFE!

9. Demon’s Crest

Fahey: Look at us in the single digits, and with a Ghouls ‘n Ghosts spin-off no less.

Chris: It’s all the beautiful animation, art design, music, etc. from Ghouls ‘n Ghosts except you actually have a life bar and mobility and half a chance of winning. This is a very good action game with RPG elements.

Fahey: I remember peeing a little when the dragon peeked through the bars during the game’s opening sequence. In my defense, I was just a young boy of *checks release date* err, 21. Maybe I was drunk.

8. Super Puyo Puyo 2

Chris: It’s Puyo Puyo, which is a good thing.

Fahey: What I love most about Super Puyo Puyo, aside from its Puyo Puyo-ness, is it opens with an anti-AIDS message.

Chris: I saw that! That’s awesome. This particular edition is well-liked for having four-player support. At this point I’m sure you have four Switch controllers.

Fahey: And some of them work!

7. Breath of Fire

Fahey: It’s no Chrono Trigger. It’s none of the Final Fantasies. If I had to pick a turn-based Super Nintendo role-playing game that was not either of those, this would easily be fourth or fifth on my list.

Chris: And yet, where are the Chrono Triggers and Final Fantasies? Certainly not here. So it falls to plucky Breath of Fire to fill the void. I mean, it’s pretty good though.

Fahey: Oh yes, I will happily take Breath of Fire any day. Hell, it’s time for a new, non-free-to-play mobile sequel. I’m sure Capcom is totally on top of that.

6. Super Mario Kart

Chris: When I read the words “Super Mario Kart,” the soundtrack just starts playing in my head immediately.

Fahey: My trigger fingers starts me a-hopping. It’s like F-Zero for people with taste.

Chris: I wish it had four-player balloon battle mode, but I’ll just have to live without it.

Fahey: One day there will be a Mario Kart game with that mode, Chris. One day.

5. Kirby’s Dream Course

Fahey: Now we are talking. For all of the excellent platformers and free-to-play four-player Switch battle games out there, Kirby as a golf ball is the most charming Kirby of them all.

Chris: Oh man, this is still the best golf game ever. So clever. You know, a prototype of the unreleased pre-Kirby version of this, called Special Tee Shot, was just dumped. Would be cool if Nintendo put the final version of it on this service.

Fahey: Maybe they will include it in the modern version of Kirby’s Dream Course secretly being developed inside my head.

4. Super Mario World

Chris: I remember when this came out on the Wii U and it was like, ah, finally, a game to play on my Wii U.

Switch has a few more games though.

Fahey: A couple, yes.

This one was tough for me. I feel like Yoshi’s Island and Super Mario Land are constantly duking it out inside my head.

Chris: Yeah, this one is still a fantastic Mario game, but in the fullness of time you can see that it’s not quite as ambitious as Yoshi’s Island.

We’re splitting hairs at this point though.

Fahey: And spitting eggs.

3. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island

Fahey: In the battle between more Mario and something cool and new, cool and new won.

Chris: We’re deep into “masterpiece” territory now. Playing it again, you can see that the art design still looks fantastic. And that music!

Fahey: It’s ageless, like you.

Chris: Yoshi’s Island will be here after we are all gone.

2. The Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past

Chris: I think this is still the best old-school formula Zelda. Prove me wrong.

Fahey: Do I have to?

Chris: No.

Fahey: I would go as far as saying that A Link to the Past is my favorite Legend of Zelda game. The modern 3D stuff has its own flavor. I like 2D better.

Chris: You don’t need to qualify this with “Well, you see, at the time this was released…” — it just holds up. You could put this on a cartridge and sell it (although I’ll glady take it as part of a super cheap yearly subscription instead)!

1. Super Metroid

Fahey: The closest thing we had to a huge disagreement on placement in the rankings, solved by ten minutes of playing this legendary game.

Chris: It is the best Metroid. If you’ve played any other Metroid game and thought, oh, this is cool, but you haven’t played this—this is better.

Fahey: I’d rather be playing it right now.

Chris: Harsh.

Source: Kotaku.com

PC Game Launchers, Ranked

On April Fool’s Day, Corsair joked about a game launcher launcher that would launch your PC game launchers. My colleague Mike Fahey and I halfway wished that it were real, and our conversation got me thinking about how many game launchers I have. Here are a whole lot of PC game launchers, ranked from best to worst, as well as a ranking of their desktop icons out of five.

Steam

I don’t know if Steam is actually the best or if I just have Stockholm syndrome, but look: all my games are here. I never forget what the screenshot key is when I’m on a different computer, and I can upload those screenshots to the cloud and have them whenever I need them.

The launcher does have its downsides. The pop-ups when you start it are annoying as hell, sometimes the downloads hang, and creating a group chat is needlessly confusing. But Steam has the nostalgia factor: it’s where I bought my first “real” PC game, and it’s probably where I’ll buy my last.

Icon: 2. It’s apparently a part of a steam engine, which would only be obvious if you’re a travelling salesman from the 1800s. I’ve spent ten years thinking it was a link from a bike chain.

Battlenet

Battlenet’s chat function is pretty OK. Sometimes I find my Facebook friends streaming Overwatch from the in-game stream function, which inspires me to open up Battlenet so I can play with them, only to end up watching Overwatch League instead. Intentionally or not, this launcher has encouraged me to spend a lot of time thinking about Overwatch without having to actually play it. That means I avoid making my teammates mad at me when I don’t heal them quickly enough. I guess it might not be a game launcher so much as an esports launcher, but it’s still number two on my list.

Icon: 3. No clue what it is, but I can always tell it apart from the other stuff in my taskbar.

Epic

The lack of a playtime counter is annoying, and I hate that I have to use an outside program for screenshots and then I can never remember where they’re saved. But, as far as launchers go, it’s fine. I like the highly visible progress bar when a game is updating, so I can keep an eye on my update from across the room. I mostly use it for Fortnite, but every so often, I remember I have other games in my library and am pleasantly surprised to see them there. It’s like a mini Christmas.

Icon: 3. Straightforward, but boring.

GOG

Every time I open GOG, I remember that I could be playing The Witcher 3. I appreciate a launcher that has my best interests in mind.

Icon: 3. See above.

Itchio

The only launcher that makes me feel like a good person, since it reminds me I’m supporting all those indie games. The desktop client allows me to revisit all the tiny games I bought and then immediately lost in my files.

Icon: 4. It looks like a controller, which might be weird for a computer icon, but there’s something whimsical about its design.

Uplay

This opens whenever I open a Ubisoft game on Steam, which does give me some time after I hit “play” to grab a drink. Also, sometimes Uplay gives me points. I’ve never done anything with them, but who doesn’t like getting points?

Icon: 4. I like the color on this one and its design, even if I can’t tell whether it’s a flower or a whirlpool. Ubisoft calls it a “swirl,” so maybe it’s ice cream? Ice cream is nice.

Origin

I kind of like the way my game pages slide in from the side when I select them, but other than that, I hate this launcher’s guts. I can never figure out how to answer a voice or text message in a timely fashion, and it probably makes all my friends think I’m a jerk. I recently bought Titanfall 2 through its store, and there were so many messages about getting Origin Premier or whatever that I almost gave up before I bought the game. (The game was good, though, so Origin has that in its favor.)

Icon: 5. God help me, but it doesn’t look like anything else I have installed, and the bright color makes it easy to find.

Bethesda Launcher

This could have Skyrim on it, which is good if you need a special place just for Skyrim.

Icon: 1. Completely missable and a little bit ugly.

All those other random launchers, like Nexon or single-game launchers, that pop up whenever I turn on the office PC and I have no idea why.

Somebody wanted them, which I can at least respect.

Icon: 1. There are too many to evaluate, but they get a point for existing.

Windows Store

Never again.

Icon: 0. If it’s on my desktop somewhere, I don’t want to know.

Source: Kotaku.com

 Final Fantasy Gunblades, Ranked

Seriously.

Final Fantasy VII was the first game in the series to have guns. They added to the game’s modern and mature mystique at the time. Prior to that, the series’ weaponry was purely medieval, primarily focused around swords. But what if you could have a sword that was also a gun? Final Fantasy VIII answered by delivering unto players the gunblade, a device that has appeared in almost every Final Fantasy since.

Experts disagree on the precise number of gunblades that have appeared in the series since Final Fantasy VIII came out in 1999. Some don’t have names. Others are duplicates of existing models with a swapped color palette. Then there’s the age-old question of what satisfies the blade requirement. Something attached to a hilt? Any piece of sharp metal that can also shoot bullets? There are no perfect answers, but in my quest to be as thorough as possible, the only gunblades excluded from this ranking are the ones the Manikins wield in the Dissidia games.

By my count, then, there are 35 different gunblades that have appeared in the series so far. My extremely scientific ranking process includes criteria like how cool the gunblades look, the gun-to-blade ratio, and their practical stabby shooty ability. Here they are, ranked from worst to best.


35. Shear Trigger (Final Fantasy VIII)

Squall’s second weapon. The bullets do more damage, but the hilt looks like ass. No thank you.

34. Flame Saber (Final Fantasy VIII)

Someone thought a sword that looked like it was on fire would be cool. The logic was sound, but this gunblade was not. Points for color, but minus a bajillion more for using the same hilt as the Shear Trigger.

33. Cutting Trigger (Final Fantasy VIII)

Keeps the hairy red blade but ditches the Shear Trigger’s hilt for one that looks like an actual gun.

32. through 29. Razor Carbine, Edged Carbine, Lifesaber, Peacemaker (Final Fantasy XIII)

Despite coming out a decade after Final Fantasy VIII, many of Final Fantasy XIII’s gunblades look about as lethal as bent rebar. For some reason these four all look like barber’s tools. If Final Fantasy XIII had job classes and one of those classes was barber, the game might have been a lot better. Even so, these four gunblades still wouldn’t have been cool.

28 and 27. Hauteclaire, Durandal (Final Fantasy XIII)

If you’ve ever wondered what a can opener that could also spray bullets would look like, look no further.

26 and 25. Lionheart, Ultima Weapon (Final Fantasy XIII)

Although these both look the same as the Hauteclaire and Durandal, they have better abilities.

24. Omega Weapon (Final Fantasy XIII)

The best weapon in Final Fantasy XIII with a max strength of 508. Not 506 or even 507 but 508 big juicy units of monster-destroying power. Even with the cool name and boss stats, the fact that it looks like a pretzel made out of one of Maleficent’s horns holds it back.

23. Punishment (Final Fantasy VIII)

“Two is always better than one” is an old gunblade-smith saying, and Punishment gets that.

22. Twin Lance (Final Fantasy VIII)

The Twin Lance edges out its more powerful sibling Punishment because of better flavor text: “The Twin Lance is a gunblade forged with two blades. The two blades work synergistically to inflict severe damage.”

21 through 18. Gladius, Helter-Skelter, Organyx, Apocalypse (Final Fantasy XIII)

It’s sad but true that the weaker you go in the Final Fantasy XIII gunblade arsenal, the better they get. All of these switchblade-inspired firearms will serve you decently in a West Side tory brawl and also probably get you thrown on the TSA’s “no fly list” for life if airport security catches you with one in your carry on.

17 through 14. Blazefire Saber, Flamberge, Axis Blade, Enkindler (Final Fantasy XIII)

Simple, elegant, and each complete with a paint scheme that won’t make you want to shoot/cut your eyes out, this Blazefire-inspired line is the best Final Fantasy XIII has to offer.

13. Bradamante (Final Fantasy XIV)

This one will probably get me in trouble, either because Nael van Darnus’ gunblade is technically a gunhalberd or because it only made it to 19 on the list. Where do the bullets even come out? Who knows, and who cares—it’s a giant sharp pole with a trigger.

12. Weiss’ Gunblade (Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII)

The most minimalist of them all, Weiss’ gunblade is one of the most functional looking and lightweight. It reverses the traditional design dating back to Final Fantasy VIII and sticks the barrel on the top rather than the bottom.

11. Cid nan Garlond’s Gunblade (Final Fantasy XIV)

It shouldn’t be a surprise that the first Cid to wield a gunblade has one of the cooler ones. It feels straight out of the Gears of War universe with its gear-like teeth on the hilt. Unfortunately, no one has yet invented a gunblade where the sword part is also a chainsaw.

10. Heirsbane (Final Fantasy XIV)

Gunblades are way cooler than guns with bayonets because the gunblade formula, at its best, really tries to fuse the two things together. The gunblades the Garlean Empire uses, which Gaius van Baelsar also has and gave a fancy name to, are a perfect example of that distinction. Instead of putting something sharp on a gun, they make the entire gun sharp. Genius.

9. Ras Algethi (Final Fantasy XII)

Perhaps the most subtle iteration of the concept, Balthier’s Ras Algethi is never used as a sword, but that doesn’t stop it from being one of the most beautiful gun-centric incarnations of the gunblade.

8. Genesis Copy’s Gunblade (Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII)

This gunblade, like its owner, was never given a name. Unlike its owner, though, it’s totally unique and awesome, like someone took the idea for a sawed-off shotgun, reversed it, turned it into a machine gun, and then turned it into a sword. Some people say Square Enix ran out of ideas when it started pumping out Final Fantasy VII spinoffs, and those people are probably right. This gunblade still rocks.

7. Lion Heart (Final Fantasy VIII)

While I’m not wild about replacing cold, hard steel with ephemeral glowy shit, the Lion Heart has one of the most hype gunblade names and is so powerful the hilt has like, two and a half cross-guards.

6. Hyperion (Final Fantasy VIII)

Seifer’s gunblade is the red light saber of gunblades and has probably been outlawed in 47 states. Enough said.

5. Thancred’s Gunblade From The Shadowbringer Expansion Trailer (Final Fantasy XIV)

This thing is like when you go to the sandwich Kiosk at a Wherever-You-Buy-Your-sandwiches and although you’d probably be best with just a standard turkey sub you instead drag your hand across the condiment screen until you’ve ordered so many extra fixings the computer cuts you off, except if the sandwich were a gunblade.

4. Overture (Final Fantasy XIII-2)

Who would have thought Lightning’s coolest gunblade wouldn’t actually appear in a properly numbered Final Fantasy but rather the two spinoffs almost nobody played? The Overture is one of the coolest-looking swords in the entire series, and the fact that it’s also a gunblade makes it that much better.

3. Godslayer (Final Fantasy XIII)

There’s one gunblade that’s never been discovered. A placeholder discovered in the game files for Final Fantasy XIII references a weapon called the Godslayer with power enough to match its namesake. It was probably just for testing, but also, what if it wasn’t? Some of the best gunblades are the ones we have yet to discover.

2. Revolver (Final Fantasy VIII)

Nothing beats a classic. Well, almost nothing. The mindfuck of putting a sword on the end of a gun was never better executed than with the series’ first gunblade. Sharp, wildly unbalanced, and without any way for the ammunition to actually exit, the Revolver transcends time, space, and our comprehension of them.

1. Gilgamesh’s Revolver (Final Fantasy XII)

Gilgamesh’s Revolver looks identical to Squall’s, except it replaces the etching of the lion on the side with a painted decal of a chocobo, which instantly makes it better.

Source: Kotaku.com