You ever spot a really bad idea and think, “that’s definitely going to have consequences that no one can foresee”? To me, that’s the Sonic the Hedgehog movie. Not because of its questionable design choices (give me the weird hog, it’s good, actually) but because no matter how great Sonic’s movie design is, Halloween was always coming. And when Halloween rolls around, so do horrifying costumes that barely resemble the things they are based on.
Consider with me Party City’s children’s Sonic costume. Since it is in fact based on the film—which would have been out this year were it not for a last-minute hedgehog makeover—we have a onesie adorned with a weird fur pattern and floppy hood spikes. It is good, perhaps, if you would like to dress up your progeny as sonic, the meme, and not Sonic, the mascot. Get it for your child, and you will quickly become sorry for all the days they wear it that are not Halloween.
The less said here, the better, but there’s a reason that after years and years of memes and goofballs in blue tights, most have taken to wearing Sonic hoods, not Sonic masks. You’re courting chaos, the way Nic Cage did when he said he’d like to take John Travolta’s “face…..off.”
None of us are ready for these to hit the streets, let alone the Sonic the Hedgehog film, which I now suspect has been delayed strictly to avoid association with any of this stuff.
In June 2022, a rocket will launch carrying the Jupiter Icy Moons Explorer, a spacecraft made by the European Space Agency and Airbus. And as it hurtles through the cosmos on its mission to study Jupiter’s moons, it will carry with it the blessing of…Sonic the Hedgehog.
One of the instruments onboard was developed in Japan by Tohoku University, who wanted Sonic as the mascot for one of the mission’s principal tests—a Radio & Plasma Wave Investigation, or RPWI—and got Sega’s blessing.
I’m going to assume that this test involves some kind of probe that wiggles, otherwise that logo is going to take some explaining.
The Jupiter Icy Moons Explorer, or JUICE, is scheduled to arrive at Jupiter in 2029, where it will perform tests on three of the planet’s moons—Ganymede, Callisto, and Europa—to see if any of them are habitable, since they’re believed to each contain large bodies of water.
Once JUICE is out of fuel, it’s designed to “deorbit” and crash into the surface of Ganymede in 2034.
Hello! Today we learn how to spell Jason Statham’s name, watch a man lose five years of progress, torture our cats with teabags, get ambushed by zombies and leave hidden notes around the office. It’s Morning Checkpoint!
Great Kotaku Content From The Past Week
Like most weeks, Kotaku was filled with some great stories. Here are a few of my favorites!
I’m ready to sit down in a theater and just float away into the world of Pokemon. Happy to hear this thing turned out mostly good.
I think the only way this could have been more an anti-climatic death is if he just, like, fell off a cliff and died.
I wonder if we will eventually hit the limit for speedrunning some older games soon. Seems like something that will inevitably happen.
I’m sad that this movie is going to be changed. I wanted this awful and weird Sonic. It would make it more memorable too. Now the movie will probably be bad and forgotten. (Also forcing animators and artists to crunch is stupid and terrible.)
When cats one day kill us all and take over the world, they will point to shit like this and be like “Yeah, you deserve this.”
The zombie apocalypse is a lot harder when the universe is just straight up unfair about it.
I love Jason Stayhumb, but my favorite action hero will always be Arnold SchwartzAndEgger.
Some Good Comments
Sometimes, at my work, I’ll leave sticky notes with “someBODY once told me the world is” on it in inconspicuous places and wait for the shrieks to start
This reminds of a time when I was at my high school, minding my own business and found a sticky note stuck on the bottom of a desk that was shoved into a hallway. The desk was broken. On the note, it said, “Don’t pull the fire alarm today.” I still don’t know what that was all about.
Oh brother… All the poor VFX artists slaving away in front of their computers from now until November working 22 hour days on the fucking Sonic The Hedgehog movie. It sounds like the lowest ring of hell.
Nobody should have to crunch. But you know how you make crunch worse? When you are working on something that everybody knows is going to suck, such as a live-action Sonic film. I feel so bad for those artists and designers. I hope it goes as smooth as possible.
Trailers & Videos You May Have Missed
I can’t wait to play this game once all the episodes are out. After waiting months for episodes playing Telltale games, I’ve stopped buying episodes until ALL of them are out.
Just what the world needed: Angry Birds augmented reality games.
I love Ubisoft’s strategy of supporting games for years.
This might be one of the best trailers released for a video game.
Morning Checkpoint is all about catching you up on the past week, getting you ready for the next week, answering some questions, sharing stories and having a good time. You can email me anything you want or drop a comment below. Suggest tweets, comments, ideas, new sections and more for next week and thanks for reading!game.
The Sonic The Hedgehog movie is a blight upon this weary earth.
I do my best to say positive. On some days, it works. On other days, the horrific trailer for Sonic The Hedgehog comes out. Lord, please help me.
There’s a lot going on. Jim Carrey is devouring the scenery, having what looks like a really good time. Ben Schwartz’s voice is coming out of Sonic’s mouth, which is disorienting. Cyclops is there, and he’s a cop now, and as an X-Men fan, that scans.The trailer contains so many other perception-shaking things in addition to these. Something that’s hit a lot of people really hard is Sonic’s human teeth.
While people on Tumblr are no less perplexed by the movie, they’re also kinda into Jim Carrey as Doctor Robotnik. Once again, I salute the people of Tumblr for being as horny as possible at all times.
I for one welcome death. Let me be lowered into Sonic’s hungry, gaping maw. He’s got teeth now. For gnashing.
We now live in a post-Sonic the Hedgehog-movie-render world.
Sonic the Hedgehog does not resemble a hedgehog in the slightest, and I’d argue he is more recognizable because of it. He’s a blue ball with spikes on his head, skinny legs, conjoined eyeballs, and sneakers.
I don’t like it, and neither did a lot of the internet. In fact, Sonic creator Yuji Naka took to Twitter to explain exactly what he didn’t like about the design.
Kotaku’s Tim Rogers translated these tweets, which read, “I feel like, with this Sonic here, visually, the important thing to look at is the head and body ratio and the roundness of the abdomen. I wonder if they couldn’t have balanced them a little bit better…These images of Sonic aren’t coming officially from the movie-making source; I think it’s possible they’re being strategically leaked, though getting people talking about it ‘because it’s bad’ can’t be good for Sonic’s existing IP.”
He continued, “Well, there’s also the possibility that this is fan-made, though even so, I’d still prefer it if they’d put some gloves on him. Seeing him bare-handed is quite a shock.”
Thank you, Naka! I also find seeing him barehanded to be a shock! Now onto the jokes.
It sure looks like the agency Hamagami/Carroll Inc., who specialise in entertainment industry art and branding, have given us our first look at how Sonic the Hedgehog appears in his upcoming live-action movie.
Please note that he is “Chill & Likable”, while also being “Mischievous but not Malicious”.
By 2019 standards, the face isn’t terrible! But the whole thighs/hips region is very uncomfortable to look at.
It doesn’t look like HCI were responsible for the redesign of the character himself; their work is detailed as having been tasked with producing a new universal packaging and marketing scheme, where all the different “types” of Sonic—like “Classic Sonic, Modern Sonic, Film Sonic [and] Animation Sonic”—can be presented the same way.
HCI have done a lot of work in both games and film before, handling everything from the promo art and packaging for The Sims 4 to all kinds of behind the scenes help on Star Wars Battlefront and Mass Effect Andromeda.
Of course none of this is confirmed until we actually see a proper trailer for the film (whose release is November), but the source of the material, and the date which it was posted, sure makes it seem likely.